Lying on his deathbed, the wealthy Mr. Sams was instructing his attorney on last-minute changes in his will.
“I wish to leave everything I own, all stocks, bonds property, art, and money, to my wife. However, there is one stipulation.”
“And that is?”
“In order to inherit, she must marry within six months of my death.”
The lawyer seemed puzzled. “Why make such an unusual request?”
Mr. Sams answered, “Because I want someone to be sorry I died.”
For your entertainment: A group of men singing “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” from Disney’s 1994 animated film, The Lion King.
Enjoy!
ARVE error: need id and provider
A couple was having a party at their house. An hour before the party the woman found out that she still needed escargots. So she sent her husband out to get it.
He was walking to the supermarket and he figured he had lots of time. So he stopped at the bar on the way. An hour and a half later he looked at his watch and realized that the party had already started. He quickly ran to the market, bought the snails and ran home.
He tried to sneak into the kitchen without his wife seeing him. But at that moment his wife came out. He quickly threw the snails on the floor and said, “Come on guys, we’re almost there.”
A little old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out, Crisco,
Crissssssscoooo!’
Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, ‘Mam, the Crisco is in aisle 3.’
The woman replies, ‘Oh, I’m not looking for the cooking stuff. I’m calling my husband. He’s in here somewhere’
The clerk is astonished.
‘Your husband’s name is Crisco?’
The woman answers, ‘Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we’re out in public’
‘I see,’ said the clerk. ‘What do you call him at home?’
‘Lard ass.’
A husband was having great difficulty getting along with his wife – nothing but arguing and friction – so he decided to consult a marriage counselor.
After they had talked for a while, the counselor said, “I suggest that you run five miles each day for a week. Then please call me back.”
A week later the counselor received a call from the husband, “Well,” asked the counselor, “how are things going with you and your wife?
“How should I know?” said the husband. “I’m thirty-five miles away.”