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My teacher pointed at me with his ruler and said, “At the end of this ruler there’s an idiot!”
I got detention after asking which end.
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Jul 052026
Jul 042026
Jul 032026
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A married man goes into the confessional and says to his priest, “I almost had an affair with another woman.”
The priest says, “Almost? What do you mean, almost?” The man replies, “Well, we kissed and both got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.” The priest then says, “Rubbing together is the same thing as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say 10 Hail Mary’s and put $100 in the poor box.” Then man then leaves the confessional, says his prayers, and then walks over to the collection box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave. Meanwhile, the priest is watching all this time and quickly runs over to him, saying, “Hey, I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box.” The man replies, “Yeah, but I rubbed the $100 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same thing as putting it in!”
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Jul 022026
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A businesswoman ordered a beautiful, expensive floral arrangement for the opening of her new outlet, and she was furious when it arrived with a ribbon that read, “May You Rest In Peace.”
Apologizing for the mishap, the florist finally got the businesswoman to calm down with the reminder that in some funeral home stood an arrangement bearing the words “Good Luck in Your New Location.”
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Jul 012026
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The other day it was my turn to prepare dinner, so I asked my wife to go over to the local market and buy some organic vegetables. She came back rather upset.
When I asked her what was wrong, she said, “I don’t think I like that produce guy. I went and looked around for your organic vegetables, and I couldn’t find any. I asked him where the organic vegetables were. He didn’t know what I was talking about.” “So I said, ‘These vegetables are for my husband. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?’ He said, ‘No, ma’am. You’ll have to do that yourself.'”
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