Joke Of The Day: Crossing The River

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Sep 022014
 
Rubber Chicken Three men wanted to cross a river. They had no idea how to cross it, so one man knelt down on his knees and prayed “Lord give me the power and strength the cross the river.” suddenly the man became very strong and swam across the river.

The next man thought: if it worked for him, it’ll work for me. So he knelt down and prayed “Lord give the skills and the strength to cross the river.” the man built a canoe and rowed himself across the river.

The last man thought: if it worked for both of them, I know it’ll work for me. So he also knelt down and prayed “Lord give me the wisdom and knowledge to cross the river.” He turned into a woman and walked across the bridge.

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Plain English

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Aug 292014
 
Rubber Chicken A man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said,’ Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.’

‘Well, in plain English,’ the doctor replied,’ you’re just lazy.’

‘Okay,’ said the man.’ Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.’

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Completely Gone

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Aug 192014
 
Rubber Chicken A doctor broke the bad news to a man, that his wife would have to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. “I’m afraid her mind’s completely gone,” he said.

“Makes sense,” mumbled the man. “She’s been giving me a piece of it every day for the last 15 years.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: The Perfect Man

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Aug 172014
 
Rubber Chicken A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Ryan”

Passenger: “Who?”

Cabbie: “Ryan Jay Robinson. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Ryan Jay Robinson, every single time.”

Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

Cabbie: “Not Ryan Jay Robinson. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”

Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.”

Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Ryan Jay Robinson, he could do everything right.”

Passenger: “Wow. Some guy then.”

Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Ryan, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Ryan Jay Robinson.”

Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”

Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Ryan. He died. I’m married to his widow.”

 

 

A Message From The Wife

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Aug 162014
 
Got home real late last night after a full day of riding Motorcycles and drinking with the guys, and my wife left a message in the kitchen:

A Message From The Wife - Eat More Fruit

I got her message loud and clear!

…she wants me to eat more fruit.

Bless her heart!