JokesComments Off on Joke Of The Day: A Single Roll Of The Dice
Sep062014
An attractive blonde from Cork Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. “Yes! Yes! I won, I won!” She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?”
The other answered, “I don’t know – I thought you were watching.”
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, but…. all men… are men!
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you’re a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you’re a pansy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it’s equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it’s male indifference.
If you cry, you’re a wimp. If you don’t, you’re an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s domination. If she asks you, it’s a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you’re a pervert. If you don’t, you’re a fag.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you’re a sexist pig. If you don’t, you’re unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you’re vain. If you don’t, you’re a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you’re after something. If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful.
If you’re proud of your achievements, you’re up on yourself. If you don’t, you’re not ambitious.
If you’re totally beat after a hard day, you don’t give a damn about other people’s needs. If she’s totally beat after a hard day, she’s tired.
If you want it too often, you’re over sexed. If you don’t, there must be “someone else”.
JokesComments Off on Joke Of The Day: Choosing The Right Woman
Sep032014
A wealthy man decided it was time for him to get married, but he was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. So he gave each woman $5,000 and watched to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover — she went to a fancy beauty salon to get her hair done, buys new makeup and several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second went shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invested the money in the stock market and very quickly earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was quite impressed.
But how did he choose which one to marry?
If you don’t know the answer, you’re not thinking. He’s a man: he married the one with the biggest boobs.
