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Joke Of The Day

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Oct 062010

A couple, which has been married 10 years, was working in the garden one afternoon.

As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, “Lucy, you are getting fat. Your ass is huge. I’ll bet it’s as wide as the gas grill!”

Feeling the need to prove his point, he got out a yard stick and measured the grill, then, without flinching, he measured his wife’s ass.

“Yep, he said. “Just what I thought. Your ass is the same size as the grill. Hey Lucy, Rosie O’Donnell called and she wants her body back”‚ the husband taunted.

The wife became irate and left him gardening alone. She went inside the house and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the day.

When they retired to bed that evening, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, “How about it, Honey? How about a little action?”

The wife turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. “What’s the matter?” he asked her.

“You don’t think I’m going to fire up this big ass grill for one little weenie, do you?”

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before!

All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.”

“My darling,” he replied, “think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

Womans Dictionary

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Sep 212010

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry

We need = I want

It’s your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to

I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

I want new curtains = carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re going to hate

I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Are you listening to me? = Too late, you’re dead

Fire From The Heartland

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Sep 202010

The first-ever film to tell the entire story of the conservative woman in her own words, “Fire from the Heartland” is a powerful statement about America at a crossroads and the women who have awakened to the crisis. With role models such as Clare Boothe Luce, Margaret Thatcher, and Phyllis Schlafly as inspiration, these women are the unintended consequence of the liberal feminist movement.

Tracing the long history of the many conservative women who have been the backbone of this great nation, from the founding mothers of our Republic to today’s “Mama Grizzlies,” this powerful and compelling documentary honors the self-made American woman.

Activists, politicians and commentators such as Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, S.E. Cupp, Dana Loesch, Michelle Easton, Sonnie Johnson, Jenny Beth Martin, Michelle Moore, Jamie Radtke, Deneen Borelli, Janine Turner, and Congresswomen Cynthia Lummis, Jean Schmidt, and Michele Bachmann share their emotional stories of hardship and triumph in their fight for freedom. These women leaders are fanning the flames of liberty across the nation.

Joke Of The Day

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Sep 012010

A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. “Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper.”

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. “Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.”

Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. “Let me tell you a story,” replied the rabbi. “A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. ‘Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.’ But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. ‘Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.

The man protested: “What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?”

“No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed.”

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