Joke Of The Day

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Aug 182010
 

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.

They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the Vet what was happening. “Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side.”

The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?”

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. “You are truly a wise Vet,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?”

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, “My wife is from Illinois.”

The Truth Cats vs Dogs.

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Aug 102010
 

What is a Cat?

1. Cats do what they want.

2. They rarely listen to you.

3. They’re totally unpredictable.

4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.

5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.

6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.

7. They’re moody.

8. They leave hair everywhere.

CONCLUSION: They’re tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?

1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.

2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don’t hear you when you’re in the same room.

3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.

4. They growl when they are not happy.

5. When you want to play, they want to play.

6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.

7. They leave their toys everywhere.

8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.

CONCLUSION: They’re tiny men in little fur coats.

The Top 10 Reasons Men Prefer Rifles Over Women

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Jul 292010
 

10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

9. You can keep one Rifle at home and have another for when you’re on the road.

8. If you admire a friend’s Rifle and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times..

7. Your primary Rifle doesn’t mind if you keep another Rifle for a backup.

6. Your Rifle will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

5. A Rifle doesn’t take up a lot of closet space.

4. Rifles function normally every day of the month.

3. A Rifle doesn’t ask, “Do these new grips make me look fat?”

2. A Rifle doesn’t mind if you go to sleep after you use it

And the number one reason a Rifle is favored over a woman:

1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A RIFLE

Dogs and Men

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Jul 272010
 

How Dogs and Men Are Alike

1. Both keep moving, even when they are lost.
2. Both take up too much space on the bed.
3. Both have irrational fears about the vacuum cleaner.
4. Both are threatened by their own kind
5. Neither understands what people see in cats.
6. Both want dominance.
7. Both do the dishes by licking them clean.
8. Both chase cars.
9. The larger ones tend to drool.
10. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

How Dogs Are Better Than Men

1. Dogs don’t have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you are gone.
3. You can train a dog.
4. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
5. Dogs understand what “NO!” means.
6. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
7. When dogs play “fetch,” they don’t laugh at how you throw.
8. Dogs are color blind.
9. Dogs understand if some of their friends aren’t allowed to come inside.
10. Dogs are less likely to hump your leg.

How Dogs are Better Than Women

1. Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
2. Dogs don’t hate their bodies.
3. Dogs don’t criticize.
4. Dogs never expect gifts.
5. Dogs don’t want to know about every other dog you’ve ever had.
6. Dogs don’t let a magazine article guide their lives.
7. Dogs love it when your friends come over.
8. The later you are coming home, the more excited they are to see you.
9. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
10. A dog’s parents never visit.

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