Joke Of The Day

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day
Oct 222010
 

A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.

If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a
response.”

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.”

Then in a normal tone he asks, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?”

No response..

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

Again no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away.. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her… “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

“Ralph, for THE FIFTH TIME, CHICKEN!”

Joke Of The Day

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day
Oct 202010
 

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated.

As he examined the body of Bernie Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery:

Bernie Schwartz had the longest penis he had ever seen!

“I’m sorry Mr. Schwartz,” said the mortician, “But I can’t send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity.”

And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man’s schlong.

The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home.

The first person he showed was his wife.

“I have something to show you that you won’t believe,” he said, and opened his briefcase.

“Oh my god!” she screamed, “Bernie Schwartz is dead!”

Joke Of The Day

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day
Oct 142010
 

A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says “Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four”.

Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.

This time the husband crosses his fingers and says “Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!”.

Again, there’s a bright flash … and then his legs fall off!

Joke Of The Day

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day
Oct 122010
 

An elderly couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 61 centimetres long.

When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 61 centimetres.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, “How about we try the African
string-and-weight procedure”?

The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his penis.

A few days later, the wife asked the husband, *How is our little tribal experiment coming along”?

“It looks like we’re about half way there,” he replied.

“Wow, you mean it’s stretched to 30 centimetres”?

“No, it’s turned black..”