Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

 Amusing  Comments Off on Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder
Apr 152011
 

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it develops:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I’m going to be near the mailbox, when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

I’m going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye–they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day:

—-the car isn’t washed,
—-the bills aren’t paid,
—-there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
—-the flowers don’t have enough water,
—-there is still o nly 1 check in my check book,
—-I can’t find the remote,
—-I can’t find my glasses,
—-and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I’m really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it, but first I’ll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor, will you? Forward this to everyone you know, because I don’t remember where I got it from.

Don’t laugh — if this isn’t you yet, your day is coming!

Apparently I Was Wrong….

 Jokes  Comments Off on Apparently I Was Wrong….
Mar 312011
 

At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point. The question was where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, the correct answer was Africa.

One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that Negroes and Mexicans is not the correct answer either.

Joke Of The Day

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day
Mar 112011
 

An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.

The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?”

The old man looks at the bartender through teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper, extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”

The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”

The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”

Games For The Elderly

 Amusing  Comments Off on Games For The Elderly
Feb 262011
 

Here are some games that our seniors can play in the nursing home…

1. Sag, you’re It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy

Joke Of The Day

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day
Feb 212011
 

Three old men are in a retirement home moaning.

“I wish i was able to pee without feeling pain.” says one.

“I’m so constipated, I never have a regular bowel movement anymore.” Says the 2nd.

” That’s nothing ,” Says the 3rd.” Every morning I have pee at 6am and then a bowel movement at 6.30am.”

“What are you moaning about then.”

“I don’t wake up til 7am.”