An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a Nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Barton asked if there was anything wrong.
Yes, Nurse Barton,” said Mr. Goldstein, “My penis died today, and I am very sad.”
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, “Oh, I’m so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences.”
The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his penis hanging out his pajamas, when he met Nurse Barton. Mr. Goldstein,” she said, “You shouldn’t be walking down the hall like this. Please put your penis back inside your pajamas.”
“But, Nurse Barton,” replied Mr. Goldstein, “I told you yesterday that my penis died.”
“Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?” asked Nurse Barton.
“Well,” he replied. “Today’s the viewing.”
You Know You’re Getting Older …..
– You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
– Everything that works hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
– You feel like the morning after, and you haven’t been anywhere.
– Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
– Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
– Your mind makes contracts your body can’t keep.
– You look forward to a dull evening.
– Your knees buckle and your belt won’t.
– You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
– You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
– You don’t remember when your wild oats turned to prunes and all bran.
– You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
– You don’t remember being absent minded.
– “Getting a little action” means you don’t need to take a laxative.
– Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
– Tying one on means fastening your Medic Alert bracelet