Joke Of The Day: For Old Time’s Sake

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: For Old Time’s Sake
Apr 282014
 
Rubber Chicken The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years a go? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.”

“Yes,” she says, “I remember it well.”

“OK,” he says, “How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?”

“Oh Charlie, you old devil. That sounds like a crazy, but very good idea!”

There’s a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, “I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble.” So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.

Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen, and it goes on for about 20 minutes. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn’t know. He goes over to help them up, and ask them what their secret is.

As the couple catches their breaths he says to them, “Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?”

“Yep,” the old man says. “Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Finding The Right Girl

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: Finding The Right Girl
Apr 162014
 
Rubber Chicken At a senior citizen’s meeting, a couple were celebrating their 50th anniversary. The husband stood up and was telling story of his dating habits in his youth.

It seemed that every time he brought home a girl to meet his mother, his mother didn’t like her.

So, finally, he started searching until he found a girl who not only looked like his mother and acted like his mother, she even sounded like his mother.

So he brought her home one night to have dinner, and his father didn’t like her.

 

 

The Power Of Old People

 Amusing, Funny  Comments Off on The Power Of Old People
Apr 152014
 
The Power Of Old People

 
An elderly woman, slowly crossing the street, gets honked at by an inconsiderate driver in a Mercedes. Rather than leave his rudeness unpunished, she does something very unexpected and leaves the driver very embarrassed and regretting his actions.

via
 

Joke Of The Day: Depends

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: Depends
Apr 152014
 
Rubber Chicken I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as “Luvs”, “Huggies,” and “Pampers’, while undergarments for old people are called “Depends”.

Well here is the low down on the whole thing.

When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv’em, Hug’em and Pamper’ em.

When old people crap in their pants, it “Depends” on who’s in the will!

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Camping

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: Camping
Apr 052014
 
Rubber Chicken A rather old-fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped, but didn’t know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn’t bring herself

to write the word “toilet” in her letter.

After much thought, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term “Bathroom closet” but when she wrote it down, she still thought she was being too forward, so she started all over again, rewrote the letter, and referred to the bathroom closet as the B.C.

“Does the camping ground have its own B.C.” is what she wrote.

Well, the camping ground owner wasn’t a bit old-fashioned, and he just couldn’t figure out what the old lady was talking about, so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B.C. stood for Baptist Church, so he wrote the following reply.

Dear Madam,

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of our camping ground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.

I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort.

I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part, just that I am so busy most of the time.

As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort to go, especially in the cold weather. If you decide to come down to our camping ground perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks.

Remember this is a very friendly community