Joke Of The Day: Sweet Aroma

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Mar 282014
 
Rubber Chicken There was once an Irish actor who did Shakespearean plays, but had aged and could no longer remember his lines! After many years, he finds himself in the Halifax Theater in Canada, where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says “This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line:
“Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.”

The Irish actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he was practicing his line over and over again.

Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and using just one finger he delivered the line:
“Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.”

The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!

“You bloody fool!” he cried “You have ruined me!”

The Irish actor was bewildered: “What happened, did I forget my line?

“No!” screamed the director. “You forgot the rose!”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Claude The Hypnotist

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Mar 252014
 
Rubber Chicken It was entertainment night at the senior citizens’ center: After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show – Claude the Hypnotist.

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. “Yes, each and every one of you, and all at the same time.” he said. The excited chatter dropped to silence, as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain. “I want you to keep your eyes on this watch” he said, holding the watch high for all to see.

“It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations”, said Claude. He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, “Watch the watch — Watch the watch —-Watch the watch.”

The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth. The lights twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces. A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.

And then, suddenly, the chain broke! The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact. “CRAP!” yelled Claude.

It took them a week to clean up the senior center and Claude was never invited back.

 

 

Joke Of The Day: The Blind Date

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Mar 072014
 
Rubber Chicken An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man.

When she returned to her daughter’s house later that night, she seemed upset.

“What happened, Mother?” the daughter asked.

“I had to slap his face three times!”

“You mean he got fresh?”

“No,” she answered. “I thought he was dead!”

 

 

84 Year Old Man Doing 18 Chin-Ups

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Mar 042014
 
84 Year Old Man Doing 18 Chin-Ups

 
This 84 year old man does an incredible 18 chin-ups. Most men in their prime couldn’t even come close to that.

Never let age limit you!

 

What is YOUR excuse again? He’s 84!

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