Joke Of The Day: Losing It

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Feb 182014
 
Rubber Chicken Two elderly women were out driving in a large car – both could barely see over the dashboard.

As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself “I must be losing it. I ould have sworn we just went through a red light.”

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through.

The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!”

Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh! Am I driving?”

 

 

Sam ‘Sonny’ Bryant The 70 Year Old Bodybuilder

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Feb 172014
 

Sam ‘Sonny’ Bryant The 70 Year Old Bodybuilder

Sam 'Sonny' Bryant The 70 Year Old Bodybuilder

Sam ‘Sonny’ Bryant, Jr.is from Georgia and has been bodybuilding for 27 years. He took up the sport at the age of 44 to relieve the stress of a painful marriage break up. 11 months later he entered his first competition and came in third. He works out twice a day and at night works as a forklift truck driver at personal-care emporium Kimberly-Clark. He says he’ll never retire: ‘More people die retired than people do working’

Age is nothing but a state of mind.

[arve url=”https://youtu.be/uKJaZDGVNWA” /]

Are you lethargic, out of shape, and overweight? Do you feel that you are too tired and old to change anything in your life?

Well, let Sam ‘Sonny’ Bryan Jr. inspire you. Years ago he was 44 years old and didn’t know the first thing about lifting and exercise.

But he was in a bad place in life and decided to let off some steam at the gym.

Now, he’s 70 years old and can lift more than the young guys at his gym.

It’s never too late.

Source…

via

Thoughts From An Older Man

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Feb 162014
 

As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don’t really give a rat’s ass anymore.

If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And you tell me to exercise? I don’t think so.

Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:

  1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
  3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
  4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
  5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
  6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
  7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
  8. Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
  9. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  10. I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.
  11. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
  12. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
  13. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
  14. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.
  15. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
  16. When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
  17. It’s not hard to meet expenses . . . they’re everywhere.
  18. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

 

Joke Of The Day: Loud Music

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Jan 312014
 
Rubber Chicken Life just gets better as you get older doesn’t it?

I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.

The place was packed but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.

I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to the music on my I-pod.

This is what happens when old people start using technology.

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Sex Therapist

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Jan 272014
 
Rubber Chicken An older couple, both 67, went to a sex therapist’s office. The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”

The man said, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?” The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. The doctor examined them and then directed them to disrobe and go at it.

When the couple finished, the doctor reexamined them and, upon completion, advised the couple, “There’s nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.” He then charged them $32.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no apparent problems other than the lack of vigor which is to be expected in 67 year olds, get dressed, pay the doctor, and then leave.

Finally after almost two months of this routine, the doctor asked, “Just exactly what are you trying to find out?”

The old man said, “Oh, we’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married and we can’t go to her house. I’m married, so we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60. The Hilton charges $78. We do it here for $32 and I get $28 back from Medicare.”

 

 

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