Joke Of The Day: Quick Thinking

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Jun 062015
 
Rubber Chicken A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

“This is great,” he thought as he roared down I-95. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

“I can get away from him with no problem”thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph!

Then he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this kind of thing.” He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.

The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man “Sir,” he said, looking at his watch. “My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The man looked at the trooper and said, “Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida state trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back.”

The trooper replied, “Sir, have a nice day.”

 

 

The Benefits Of Being Over 40

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May 242015
 

The Benefits Of Being Over 40

  • Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
  • People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”
  • People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
  • There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
  • You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
  • You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
  • You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
  • You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
  • You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
  • You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
  • You sing along with elevator music.
  • Your eyes won’t get much worse.
  • Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
  • You can’t remember who sent you this list.

 

Joke Of The Day: Spicing It Up

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May 082015
 
Rubber Chicken An old lady wants to spice up her sex life so she buys red leather boots, a blue spandex jumpsuit and a cape.

That night she runs into her bedroom and yells to her husband “SUPER PUSSY!”.

The husband says “I’ll take the soup.”

 

 

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