The Benefits Of Being Over 40

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May 242015
 

The Benefits Of Being Over 40

  • Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
  • People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”
  • People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
  • There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
  • You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
  • You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
  • You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
  • You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
  • You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
  • You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
  • You sing along with elevator music.
  • Your eyes won’t get much worse.
  • Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
  • You can’t remember who sent you this list.

 

Joke Of The Day: Spicing It Up

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May 082015
 
Rubber Chicken An old lady wants to spice up her sex life so she buys red leather boots, a blue spandex jumpsuit and a cape.

That night she runs into her bedroom and yells to her husband “SUPER PUSSY!”.

The husband says “I’ll take the soup.”

 

 

My Forgetter

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Apr 072015
 

My ForgetterMy forgetter’s getting better
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke

For when I’m “here” I’m wondering
If I really should be “there”
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven’t got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,
Say, “What am I here for?”
I rack my brain, but all in vain
A zero is my score.

At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone,
Say “Hi” and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, “Who was that?”

Yes, my forgetter’s getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it’s driving me plumb crazy
And that isn’t any joke.