A married couple, in their early 60s, was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary at a quiet, romantic little restaurant.Suddenly, a tiny beautiful Fairy appeared on their table. She said: “For being such an exemplary married couple and especially for being so thoughtful and loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.”
“Oh, said the wife, I want to travel around the World with my darling husband.”
The fairy waved her magic wand; and — poof! — two tickets for the Queen Mary II luxury liner and Ten Thousand Dollars appeared in her hands. Then it was the husband’s turn.
He thought for a minute and said: “Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. So I’m going with my mind and not my Heart. ”
“I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.” The wife and the Fairy were shocked and disappointed. But a wish is a wish.
So, the Fairy waved her magic wand, and – Poof! — the husband became 92 years old.
The Moral of the story:
Men who are ungrateful husbands should remember; Fairies are female.
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While she was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on her. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, she began to realize how warm she was getting, as the dung was actually thawing her out. She lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, promptly dug her out and ate her.
Moral of the story
Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
And when you’re in deep sh*t, it’s best to keep your mouth shut.
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.
However, the politician was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
“I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss’s wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled.”
The shocked crowd murmured their disapproval of the miscreant among them.
“But,” the old priest continued, “as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.”
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies for being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:
“I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,” he told the crowd, still at sharp attention after the priest’s words. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession….”
The Moral: Never, ever be late when you’re on the program.
A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home. But he was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house. When he said, he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.
He couldn’t say he had no children because he couldn’t lie. Now we all know lawyers cannot, and do not lie… So, he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids.
He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent. He loved one of the homes and the price was right — the agent asked: “How many children do you have?”
He answered: “Twelve.”
The agent asked, “Where are the others?”
The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look, answered, “Well, they’re in the cemetery with their mother.”
MORAL: It’s not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words… and don’t forget, most politicians are unfortunately lawyers.
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?… What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur’s closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur’s question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered… is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The beau replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day… or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below. BUT… make YOUR choice before you scroll down. OKAY?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now… what is the moral to this story?
The moral is…..
If you don’t let a woman have her own way… Things are going to get ugly.
