Joke Of The Day

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Jun 072011
 

My wife and I went to the Nebraska Farm Show last week and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said: “THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR”

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs, smiled and said, ‘He mated 50 times last year!’

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said: “THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR”

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, “WOW… That’s more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.”

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters: “THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR”

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, “That’s once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one.”

I looked at her and said, “Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.”

Beer Contains Female Hormones!

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May 102011
 

Yes, that’s right, FEMALE hormones!

Last month, Montreal University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period.

It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects,

….yes, 100% of all these men:

1) Argued over nothing.

2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

3) Gained weight.

4) Talked excessively without making sense.

5) Became overly emotional.

6) Couldn’t drive.

7) Failed to think rationally, and

8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary!

Joke Of The Day

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May 102011
 

A teacher said to her student, “William, if both of your parents were born in 1976, how old are they now?”

After a few moments, William answered, “It depends.”

“It depends on what?” she asked.

“It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother.”

Joke Of The Day

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May 082011
 

There was a father who called his 5 small children together. As they sat together in a circle on the floor the dad placed a toy in the middle.

He explained to them that he won this toy as a door prize and he wanted to give it to one of them.

He asked them “who is the most obedient?”

Five sets of eyes looked up at him.

Sensing that they didn’t understand the word he then asked, “OK, who always obeys mommy, and does everything she says?”

One of the children picked up the toy and handed it to the father. “You win!” exclaimed the child.

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