Joke Of The Day: Shirt Pocket

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: Shirt Pocket
Oct 182013
 

Rubber ChickenA businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double scotch on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch.

After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double scotch.

Finally, the bartender said, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring you drinks all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order another.”

The customer replied, “I’m looking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it’s time to go home.”

 

 

Man Discovered

 Amusing  Comments Off on Man Discovered
Oct 072013
 

Man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT.
Woman got inspired from PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

Man discovered WORD and invented CONVERSATION.
Woman got inspired from CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD.
Woman got inspired from FOOD and invented DIET.

Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE.
Woman got inspired from LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.

Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY.
Woman got MONEY and started SHOPPING.

That’s it!

Thereafter, man has discovered and invented a lot of things.
WHILE WOMEN ARE STILL SHOPPING!

 

Joke Of The Day: The Lecture

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: The Lecture
Oct 042013
 

Rubber ChickenAn elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at that time of night.

The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body.”

The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”

The man replies, “My wife.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Artie

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: Artie
Sep 222013
 

Rubber ChickenThis young husband realizes he has made a mistake marrying his wife and decides to have her offed for her insurance. Through a friend of a friend, the young husband locates “Artie” who has done these contracts before.

Artie meets with the young husband and Artie agrees to do the job for $10,000 with $5,000 upfront. The husband says he doesn’t have that kind of money now but will when he collects the insurance money. Artie says he still wants something. What’s in his wallet? The young husband pulls out his wallet and shows Artie a dollar. Artie takes the dollar as the down payment.

Artie tails the wife and follows her into the produce section of a grocery store. Thinking they’re alone, Artie approaches the wife and chokes her to death. A produce worker comes up having seen the whole thing. Not wanting to leave any witnesses, Artie chokes him to death, too. Unbeknownst to Artie, this is all captured on the in-store camera. Artie is caught. The headlines the next day read:
ARTIE CHOKES 2 FOR A DOLLAR AT SAFEWAY!!

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Married For Years

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: Married For Years
Sep 212013
 

Rubber ChickenAn old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”

Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact he was feared.

To everyone’s relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, “Aren’t you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?”

The wife put down her drink and said, “Let the old fart dig. I had him buried upside down.

 

 

 Older Entries  Newer Entries