 |
A husband and wife entered the dentist’s office.
The husband said, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.” “You’re a brave man,” said the dentist. Now, show me which tooth it is.” The husband turns to his wife and says, “Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.” |
|
At the 2014 World Women’s Conference the first speaker from England stood up: “At last years’ conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb.” The crowd cheered. The second speaker from America stood up: The crowd cheered. The third speaker from Australia stood up: |
|
At a senior citizen’s meeting, a couple were celebrating their 50th anniversary. The husband stood up and was telling story of his dating habits in his youth.
It seemed that every time he brought home a girl to meet his mother, his mother didn’t like her. So, finally, he started searching until he found a girl who not only looked like his mother and acted like his mother, she even sounded like his mother. So he brought her home one night to have dinner, and his father didn’t like her. |
|
It was Sunday morning when Bill, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go nail the first deer of the season.
He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Judy, sitting there, fully decked out in camouflage overalls. Bill asks her, “Ummm, What are you up to?” Judy smiles, “I’m going hunting with you!” Bill, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. Two hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside the city. Bill sets his overly anxious wife up safely in the deer stand and tells her, “If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I’ll come running back as soon as I hear the shot.” Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn’t bag an elephant…. much less a deer. Not 15 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears a breakout of gunshots. Quickly, Bill starts running back. As Bill gets closer to her stand, he hears Judy screaming, “Get away from my damn deer!” Confused and frightened Bill races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her scream, “Get away from my deer now!” followed by another volley of gunfire! Now, within sight of where he had left his wife, Bill is surprised to see a Texas cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, “Okay, lady! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!” |