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Two men are discussing the age old question: who enjoys sex more, the man or the woman? A woman walks by and listens in for awhile and then interrupts: |
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A widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately.
He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife. “Honey!” he cried. “Is that you?” “Yes, my husband.” “Are you happy?” “Yes, my husband.” “Happier than you were with me?” “Yes, my husband.” “Then Heaven must be an amazing place!” “I’m not in Heaven, dear.” |
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Jack wakes up at home with a raging hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits up and notices his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless and clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!” He’s mighty confused: why isn’t he in trouble? He takes the aspirin and gets up. When he gets to the kitchen, sure enough: there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. “Good morning,” Jack says. “Son, what happened last night?” His son says, “Well, you came home around 3 a.m., drunk and delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door.” Even more confused, Jack asks, “So, why is mom being so incredibly nice to me?” His son replies, “Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, ‘Get your hands off me, bitch! I’m married!'” |