Joke Of The Day: How Many inches?

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Jul 162015
 
Rubber Chicken A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now, you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn’t find it.”

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don’t come cheap. It’s roughly $1000 an inch.”

The man perks up. So, the doctor says, “You must decide how many inches you want. But understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.”

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, “So, have you spoken with your wife?” “Yes I have,” says the man.

“And has she helped you make a decision?”

“Yes” says the man.

“What is your decision?” asks the doctor.

“We’re getting granite counter tops.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: His Prize Possession

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Jul 112015
 
Rubber Chicken A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession… even to the Supermarket which was a few blocks from the house.

After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, “Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: The Efficiency Expert

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Jun 172015
 
Rubber Chicken The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution: “You do not want to try these techniques at home!”

“Why not?” asked a man from the audience.

“After years of not paying attention, I suddenly noticed my wife’s routine at breakfast,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table, and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time.”

“What did you do?” the man in the audience asked.

“I said, ‘Hon, Why don’t you try carrying several things at once? It’d be much more efficient.'”

“Well, did your suggestions save much time?” the attendee asked.

“Actually, yes,” the efficiency expert said. “It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven.”