Joke Of The Day: Unusual Funeral Procession

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Aug 262015
 
Rubber Chicken A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file.

The woman was so curious that she respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I have never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”

“My husband’s.”

“What happened to him?”

The woman replied, “My dog attacked and killed him.”

She inquired further, “Well, who is in the second hearse?”

The woman answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.”

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.

“Can I borrow the dog?”

“Get in line.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: A Domestic Disturbance

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Aug 172015
 
Rubber Chicken Two police officers responded to a domestic disturbance with gunshots fired.

When they arrived on the scene, they discovered the wife had shot her husband for walking across her freshly mopped floor.

They immediately called their sergeant.

“Hello, Sarge?”

“Yes.”

“It looks like we have a homicide here.”

“What happened?”

“A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she has just mopped.”

“Have you placed her under arrest?”

“No sir….the floor is still wet!”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Modern Day Survival

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Aug 142015
 
Rubber Chicken Last summer my husband took me camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore.

One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods. He tried the usual tactics to determine direction – moss on the trees (there was no moss), direction of the sun (it was an overcast day). Just as I was beginning to panic, he spotted a small cabin off in the distance. He pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned and led us right back to our camp.

“That was terrific,” I said. “How did you do it?”

“Simple,” he replied. “In this part of the country all TV satellite dishes point south.”