Joke Of The Day: Freezer Meals

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Jun 122015
 
Rubber Chicken I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, “Meatloaf” or “Pot Roast” or “Steak and Vegetables or “Chicken and Dumplings” or “Beef Pot Pie.”

However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you’ll see a whole new set of labels. You’ll find dinners with neat little tags that say: “Whatever,” “Anything,” “I Don’t Know,” “I Don’t Care,” “Something Good,” or “Food.” My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting.

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Heavenly Bran Muffins

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Jun 072015
 
Rubber Chicken An 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last 10 years, mainly due to the wife’s interest in health food and exercise.

When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.

As they “oohed and aahed,” the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

“It’s free,” Peter replied, “this is Heaven.”

Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course changed to a new one, representing the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, “What are the green fees?”

Peter’s reply, “This is Heaven, you play for free.”

Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out.

“How much to eat?” asked the old man. “Don’t you understand yet? This is Heaven, it’s free!” Peter replied with some exasperation.

“Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?” the old man asked timidly.

Peter lectured, “That’s the best part — you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like, and you never get fat or sick. This is Heaven.”

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, shrieking wildly.

Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.

The old man looked at his wife and said, “This is all your fault. If it weren’t for your bran muffins, I could have been here 10 years ago!”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Quick Thinking

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Jun 062015
 
Rubber Chicken A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

“This is great,” he thought as he roared down I-95. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

“I can get away from him with no problem”thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph!

Then he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this kind of thing.” He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.

The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man “Sir,” he said, looking at his watch. “My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The man looked at the trooper and said, “Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida state trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back.”

The trooper replied, “Sir, have a nice day.”

 

 

My Wife Doesn’t Work

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Jun 042015
 

My Wife Doesn't Work

My Wife Doesn’t Work!

Conversation between a Husband (H) and a Psychologist (P):

P: What do you do for a living Mr. Bandy?
H: I work as an Accountant in a Bank.

P: Your Wife ?
H: She doesn’t work. She’s a Housewife only.

P: Who makes breakfast for your family in the morning?
H: My Wife, because she doesn’t work.

P: At what time does your wife wake up for making breakfast?
H: She wakes up at around 5 am because she cleans the house first before making breakfast.

P: How do your kids go to school?
H: My wife takes them to school, because she doesn’t work.

P: After taking your kids to school, what does she do?
H: She goes to the market, then goes back home for cooking and laundry. You know, she doesn’t work.

P: In the evening, after you go back home from office, what do you do?
H: Take rest, because i’m tired due to all day works.

P: What does your wife do then?
H: She prepares meals, serving our kids, preparing meals for me and cleaning the dishes, cleaning the house then taking kids to bed.

 

Joke Of The Day: Marriage Problems

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May 292015
 
Rubber Chicken A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalize their break-up.

The judge asked the husband, “What has brought you to this point, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?”

The husband said, “In the six weeks we’ve been together, we haven’t been able to agree on one thing.”

The wife said, “Seven weeks.”

 

 

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