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Just before our first long deployment, two Navy buddies and I were talking about the stress of leaving our families.
A senior officer, a veteran of many deployments, overheard our conversation and offered the following advice: “You must be sensitive to your wives’ emotional needs,” he said. “Never, ever, whistle while you pack.”
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As he was driving home from work, a man in a rural community was stopped by a local police officer. The motorist, informed that he had failed to come to a full stop at a stop sign, was handed a ticket.
“Don’t I get a warning?” he protested. The officer replied, “Sure. Here’s your warning: If you don’t come to a complete stop next time, I’ll give you another ticket.”
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Guy goes into the doctor, doctor asked what’s wrong so he drops his trousers to reveal his manhood is bright orange.
“Hmm” says the doctor, “that’s something I’ve never seen before. Have you been exposed to any unusual substances recently?”. “No”, says the man, “I’m just an office worker, nothing strange”. “What about any recent medical conditions or illnesses?” “Not at all, been fit and healthy?” “Okay” muses the doctor, “what about stress? How’s your home life, anything going?” “Not that I can think of”, says the man. “Most nights, I’m pretty tired from work. I live alone, so I usually just open a bag of Cheetos and watch some porn”.
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