God Archives - Page 20 of 39 - Common Sense Evaluation

Joke Of The Day: Evolution

Jokes Comments Off

Mar 022014

One day a 6-year-old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.

TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.

TEACHER: Did you see God?

TOMMY: No.

TEACHER: That’s my point. We can’t see God because he isn’t there. He just doesn’t exist.

A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?

TOMMY: Yessssss (getting tired of the questions by this time!).

LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?

TOMMY: Yessssss!

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?

TOMMY: Yes.

LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?

TOMMY: No.

LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she must not have one!

Joke Of The Day: The Oldest Excuse Ever!

Jokes Comments Off

Feb 232014

God talks to Adam

God said, “Adam, I want you to do something for me.” …

Adam said, “Gladly, Lord, what do you want me to do?”

God said, “Go down into that valley.”

Adam said, “What’s a valley?”

God explained it to him.

Then God said, “Cross the river.”

Adam said, “What’s a river?”

God explained that to him, and then said, “Go over to the hill….”

Adam said, “What is a hill?”

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, “On the other side of the hill you will find a cave.”

Adam said, “What’s a cave?”

After God explained, he said, “In the cave you will find a woman.”

Adam said, “What’s a woman?”

So God explained that to him, too. Then God said, “I want you to reproduce.”

Adam said, “How do I do that?”

God first said (under his breath), “Geez…..”

And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, “What is it now?”

And Adam said… “What’s a headache?”

Joke Of The Day: Zebra Goes To Heaven

Jokes Comments Off

Feb 202014

A Zebra died and went to heaven. At the Gate he asked St. Peter if he was a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes.

St. Peter told him, “You are what you are.”

Well that didn’t tell him anything so St. Peter told him to ask God when he saw him. So when he saw God he asked him if he was a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes and God told him, “You are what you are.”

The next time he saw St. Peter, St Peter asked him what God had said and he told him God had said, “You are what you are.”

So St. Peter said, “Well, you’re a white zebra with black stripes.

The zebra asked, “How do you figure that?” and St. Peter said, “If you had been a black zebra with white stripes God would have said, “You is what you is.”

Joke Of The Day: Cars In Heaven

Jokes Comments Off

Dec 302013

Three men died and stood in front of God. God asked the first man if he had been faithful to his wife. The man admitted to two affairs during his marriage. God gave him a compact car to drive in heaven.

The second man admitted to only one affair and was given a mid-sized car.

The third man was asked the same question and said that he had been faithful to his wife until the day he died. God praised him and gave him a big luxury car.

A week later, the three guys met in a parking lot in heaven. The man driving the luxury car began to cry.

“What’s the matter?” the other two men asked.

He replied, “I just passed my wife, and she was riding a bike!”

The Seamstress

Amusing, Jokes Comments Off

Dec 092013

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “My dear child, why are you crying?”

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls.

“Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, “No.”

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires.

“Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, “No.”

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. “Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, “Yes.”

The Lord was pleased with the woman’s honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water.

When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, “Why are you crying?”

“Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!”

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Tom Selleck.

“Is this your husband?” the Lord asked.

“Yes,” cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”

The seamstress replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Tom Selleck, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said ‘no’ to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I’m not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT’S why I said ‘yes’ to Tom Selleck.”

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it’s for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.

That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it.

Signed,
All Us Women

Older Entries Newer Entries