Joke Of The Day: Cars In Heaven

Rubber Chicken Three men died and stood in front of God. God asked the first man if he had been faithful to his wife. The man admitted to two affairs during his marriage. God gave him a compact car to drive in heaven.

The second man admitted to only one affair and was given a mid-sized car.

The third man was asked the same question and said that he had been faithful to his wife until the day he died. God praised him and gave him a big luxury car.

A week later, the three guys met in a parking lot in heaven. The man driving the luxury car began to cry.

“What’s the matter?” the other two men asked.

He replied, “I just passed my wife, and she was riding a bike!”

 

 

The Seamstress

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “My dear child, why are you crying?”

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls.

“Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, “No.”

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires.

“Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, “No.”

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. “Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, “Yes.”

The Lord was pleased with the woman’s honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water.

When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, “Why are you crying?”

“Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!”

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Tom Selleck.

“Is this your husband?” the Lord asked.

“Yes,” cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”

The seamstress replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Tom Selleck, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said ‘no’ to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I’m not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT’S why I said ‘yes’ to Tom Selleck.”

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it’s for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.

That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it.

Signed,
All Us Women

 

Joke Of The Day: Henry Ford Goes To Heaven

Rubber Chicken Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Ford, “Well, you’ve been such a good guy and your invention, the assembly line for the automobile, changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven.”

Ford thinks about it and says, “I wanna hang out with God, himself.”

The befeathered fellow at the gate takes Ford to the Throne Room and introduces him to God.

Ford then asks God, “Hey, aren’t you the inventor of Woman?”

God says, “Ah, yes.”

“Well,” says Ford, You have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There’s too much front end protrusion
2. It chatters at high speeds
3. The rear end wobbles too much, and
4. The intake is placed to close to the exhaust.”

“Hmmm..” replies God, “hold on.” God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result.

The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. “It may be that my invention is flawed,” God replies to Henry Ford, “but according to my Computer, more men are riding my invention than yours.”

 

 

The Robertsons

The Robertsons

The Robertsons- Duck Dynasty

This is an amazing production from I am Second. If you have a good monitor, watch it in High Definition in full screen mode.

From The Right Scoop:

I just spent the last 30 minutes watching this and I must say it’s quite moving. You might even need a few tissues to get you through a few of the more touching moments as Phil and Kay describe Phil’s walk from the darkness into the light. Not only that, but Jep Robertson also gets real about the worst time in his life when his family finally had to give him an ultimatum to turn him around. And lastly there is Reed Robertson, Jase’s son, who reveals the he almost committed suicide after the show started and explains what happened.

Fans of the Robertsons are now being offered an unprecedented look at their lives before they hit the big-time in an upcoming 30-minute Christian motivational film by I Am Second. In the movie, the Robertsons divulge details about their past demons, opening up about the drinking and infidelity that almost tore them all apart.

“The Robertson’s wanted to share the deeper story beyond their name. We love them on television, but there is so much more to them than that,” filmmaker Scott Mayo told FOX411. “They have this incredible story about their life and faith, and wanted to tell this story to inspire others… Just because they are on TV doesn’t make them perfect.”

After interviewing three generations of the very famous family – Phil, Miss Kay, son Jep and grandson Reed– Mayo said he was surprised at how open and candid the stars were in vocalizing their difficult history.

“Phil lives with a lot of conviction and shared a lot of dark struggles from his past. He did it in a way that was bold and raw,” continued the filmmaker, adding that simply being in the presence of Phil through the production was a profound experience in and of itself. “If there was any silence in the room, he would just start pontificating and laying down some shotgun wisdom.”

In a dimly lit room, Phil begins by opening up about how he initially pushed those trying to introduce him to Jesus away.

Read more…

Joke Of The Day: Conversion

Rubber ChickenA Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.

“I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi… where did I go wrong?”

“Funny you should come to me,” said the Rabbi. “Like you, I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he comes and tells me he has decided to become a Christian.”

“What did you do?” asked the lawyer.

“I turned to God for the answer,” replied the Rabbi.

“And what did he say?

“He said, “Funny you should come to me…”

 

 

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