Joke Of The Day: Heaven or Hell

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May 212026
 
Joke Of The Day: Heaven or Hell A woman dies and goes to heaven. As St. Peter is processing her, she hears a woman screaming in pain. She looks in the room and sees them drilling holes in the woman’s shoulders to fasten the wings. Then she hears a man screaming and sees them drilling holes in his head to fasten the halo.

“I do not want to go to heaven,” she tells St. Peter. “I’ll go to the other place.”

“You don’t want to go there,” he replies. “They rape and sodomize you down there.”

“I don’t care,” she answers. “At least I already have holes for that.”

 

 

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Math Failure

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May 202026
 
Joke Of The Day: Math Failure A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player, and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play.”

The player agreed, so the coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, “Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?”

The player thought for a moment and then answered, “Four?”

“Did you say four?” the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it right.

Suddenly all the other players on the team began screaming, “Come on, Coach, give him another chance!”

 

 

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Pig!

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May 182026
 
Joke Of The Day: Pig! A woman decides she’s finally going to get into shape and start jogging. She jogs for several miles and is feeling really great about herself. But then a man drives by, points out the window, and shouts, “Pig!”

The woman shouts back, “How dare you!”

Then she trips over a pig.

 

 

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Ways to Monkey with Telemarketers

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May 172026
 
Joke Of The Day: Ways to Monkey with Telemarketers – We have a 5-year-old daughter who loves to talk. If I answer the phone and discover a telemarketer on the other end, I just quietly hand the phone to our daughter … and let the fun begin!

– When they ask for the man of the house, I ask them to hold; then I put my 2-year-old son on the phone.

– Interrupt the telemarketer’s sales pitch and ask them if they would like to buy something from you (could be anything that you’re selling). That will usually get them to end the call.

– Ask the telemarketer to marry you. Seriously, this will probably shock them, and they won’t know what to say.

– Say: “Hello.” (Wait on them to start talking.) “I’m sorry we can’t come to the phone right now. Please leave a message. Beep.”

– “You know, I was just thinking about (doing/buying) just that very same thing. So, I said to myself, ‘Self, why don’t you just (do, buy) it and get over it.’ To my amazement, self replied with a loud, ‘GO FOR IT!'”

 

 

 

 

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