Joke Of The Day: If I Die First

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Nov 022013
 

Rubber ChickenA husband asked his wife, “If I should die first, would you marry again?”

“I would be heart-broken, of course,” was her reply, “but I think eventually I would remarry.”

“But you wouldn’t bring him here to our house, would you?”

“Why not? I’ve worked and slaved to make this house a home. There is no reason to abandon it.”

“But you wouldn’t sleep in our bed?”

“Well, I wouldn’t run out and buy a new bed right away.”

“Surely, you wouldn’t let him use my golf clubs?”

“Of course not! He’s left-handed!”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Three Wishes

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Oct 292013
 

Rubber ChickenAn explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there is a lamp. So he picked it up and started to rub the dirt off of it, and out came a genie out of the lamp and he said “I want to know the person you hate the most”

The explorer said “That’s gotta be my ex-wife. Why?”

“I am a cursed genie, I will grant you three wishes but whatever you wish for your ex-wife will get double the amount.”

“OK, I wish for a billion dollars”

“Granted, but your ex-wife gets two billion”

“I wish for a mansion in California with a swimming pool, and tennis courts, everything”

“Granted your ex-wife gets two. This is your final wish”

The explorer walked around the room and came back to the genie with a stick and said “Ya see this stick, I’d like you to beat me half to death.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: The Ball Game

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Oct 282013
 

Rubber ChickenA group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game.

During the game the guys notice the girl knew just as much about the game as themselves, and are really impressed. After the game they ask her, “How is it that you know so much about baseball?”

She says, “Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change.”

The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process.

“What was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut IT off?”

“That was very painful, but was not the most painful part.”

“Was it when they cut off your balls?”

“That was very painful, but was not the most painful part.”

“What was the most painful part?”

“The part that hurt the most was when they cut my salary in half!”
 

 

Joke Of The Day: Shirt Pocket

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Oct 182013
 

Rubber ChickenA businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double scotch on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch.

After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double scotch.

Finally, the bartender said, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring you drinks all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order another.”

The customer replied, “I’m looking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it’s time to go home.”

 

 

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