Joke Of The Day: Walking With Your Partner

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Jul 072014
 
Rubber Chicken The room was full of pregnant ladies and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing.

The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”

The room really got quiet.

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

“Yes,” replied the teacher.

“Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Picking A Password

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Jul 062014
 
Rubber Chicken A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on.

The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife’s attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in “penis”.

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Anesthesia

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Jun 282014
 
Rubber Chicken A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are beautiful.” Then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side.

A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are cute!”

The wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful,” it was now “cute.”

She said, “What happened to ‘beautiful’?”

Her husband replied, “The drugs are wearing off!”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Feeling Lonely

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Jun 252014
 
Rubber Chicken A man was shocked to see his beautiful divorced neighbor knocking on his door one Friday evening.

“I’m feeling so lonely that I can’t stand it.” she said.

“I want to go out, get drunk & want to enjoy my life. Are you free tonight?”

“Yes!” he replied enthusiastically.

“Wonderful.” she said. “Would you watch my kids?

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Wife Sharing

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Jun 052014
 
Rubber Chicken A man received the following text from his neighbour:

I am so sorry Bob. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.

I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you’re not around.

In fact, more than you.

I’m not getting it at home, but that’s no excuse.

I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won’t happen again.

Bob, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Damn auto correct. I meant “wifi”, not “wife”.

 

 

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