Joke Of The Day: $100 Goes A Long Way

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Jan 202015
 
Rubber Chicken Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill’s wife was not wearing any underwear!

Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill’s wife followed him and asked, “Did you see anything that you liked under there?”

John admitted that, well, yes he did.

She said, “You can have it, but it will cost you $100.”

After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn’t, John should come to her house around 2:00 pm on Friday.

Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 pm. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex, and then John left.

Bill came home about 6:00 pm. He asked his wife, “Did John come by the afternoon?”

Reluctantly, she replied, “Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes.”

Next Bill asked, “Did John give you $100?”

She thinks, ‘Oh hell, he knows!’ Finally she says, “Yes, he did give me $100.”

“Good,” Bill says. “John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Grave News

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Jan 182015
 
Rubber Chicken A gorgeous woman visited a world-renowned psychic. In a dark and unnaturally cold room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered some grave news:

“There’s no easy way to say this, my dear so I’ll just tell you what I see: your husband is a powerful man, but prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death later this year.”

Visibly shaken, the customer stared at the woman’s wrinkled, wise-looking face, then at the flickering candle on the table, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.

“I simply have to know one thing,” she finally says. The fortune teller met her gaze. The woman steadied her voice, and finally got the words out: “Will I be acquitted?”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: A Very Talented Frog

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Dec 192014
 
Rubber Chicken A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive.

The woman says to the clerk at the counter, “I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.”

“No worries,” replies the clerk.

“We’ve just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can perform fellatio.”

“Fellatio,” says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift, so she goes home and gives the frog to her husband explaining the frogs talent.

With a laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog in the kitchen.

In the middle of the night the woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen.

She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.

“What are you two doing?” she asks.

“Well,” says the husband. “If I can teach this frog to cook you are outta here.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: A Cheating Wife

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Dec 012014
 
Rubber Chicken A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his model 1911 Colt .45 caliber pistol with an 8 round magazine, and yelled, “Who in here has been screwing my wife?”

A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, “You need more ammo!”