Joke Of The Day: Taking The Boat Out

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Feb 092015
 
Rubber Chicken A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out.

She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, “Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?”

“Reading my book,” she replies as she thinks to herself, “Is this guy blind or what?”

“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informs her.

“But, Officer, I’m not fishing. Can’t you see that?”

“But you have all this equipment, Ma’am. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”

“If you do that, I will charge you with rape,” snaps the irate woman.

“I didn’t even touch you,” growls the sheriff.

“Yes, that’s true… but you have all the equipment!”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Screams Of Passion

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Feb 082015
 
Rubber Chicken An Italian, a Frenchman and an Aussie were talking about screams of passion.

The Italian said, “Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non-stop for five minutes.”

The Frenchman said, “Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight.”

Then the Aussie said, “That’s nothing! Last night I massaged my wife, y’know, all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours.”

The astonished Italian and Frenchman asked, “Two full hours? Wow, that’s phenomenal! How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?”

The Aussie replied, “I wiped my greasy hands on the curtains!“

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Losing The Wife

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Feb 032015
 
Rubber Chicken A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over.

“Did you know,” says the cop, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: The Husband Store

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Jan 222015
 
Rubber Chicken A store that sells husbands to single women opens where a woman may go to choose from many available men. At the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

There are only six floors. It states that the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: As you open the door to any floor you may choose any man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So, Jane decides to go to the Husband Store to find herself a mate.

She gets to the first floor and the sign says:

“Floor 1 — These men have jobs.”

She figures she can do better, so she goes up the next flight.

“Floor 2 — These men have jobs and love kids.”

Not bad, she decides, but what about companionship? She moves on.

“Floor 3 — These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good-looking.”

Wow, she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the 4th floor and sign reads:

“Floor 4 — These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking and help with the housework.”

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the 5th floor, where the sign reads:

“Floor 5 — These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.”

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 — You are visitor #46,012 to this floor today. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step when you exit the building and have a nice day!

 

 

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