Tag: The Bible

Jokes

Joke Of The Day

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, ‘You should do it because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, ‘You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because this is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.’

The wife replies, ‘No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee..’

The husband replies, ‘I can’t believe that,show me.’

So she fetched the Bible,and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says……..’HEBREWS’

Amusing

Prayer for the Military

A young soldier was in his bunkhouse all alone one Sunday morning over in Afghanistan. It was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for some reason hadn’t made a noise. The young soldier knew it was Sunday, the holiest day of the week. As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid them out across his bunk. Just then an army sergeant came in and said, “Why aren’t you with the rest of the platoon?”

The soldier replied, “I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with the Lord.” The sergeant said, “Looks like you’re going to play cards.” The soldier said, “No sir, you see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles or other spiritual books in this country, I’ve decided to talk to the Lord by studying this deck of cards.”

The sergeant asked in disbelief, “How will you do that?”

“You see the Ace, Sergeant, it reminds that there is only one God. The Two represents the two parts of the Bible, Old and New Testaments.

The Three represents the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

The Four stands for the Four Apostles: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

The Five is for the five virgins that were ten but only five of them were glorified.

The Six is for the six days it took God to create the Heavens and Earth.

The Seven is for the day God rested after working the six days.

The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives, in which God saved the eight people from the flood that destroyed the earth for the first time.

The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy. He cleansed ten but nine never thanked Him.

The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on tablets made of stone.

The Jack is a reminder of Satan. One of God’s first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of eternal hell.

The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary.

The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings.

When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total: one for every day of the year.

There are a total of 52 cards in a deck: each is a week, 52 weeks in a year.

The four suits represents the four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.

Each suit has thirteen cards: there are exactly thirteen weeks in a quarter.

So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull out this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for.”

The sergeant just stood there and after a minute, with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart, he said, “Soldier, can I borrow that deck of cards?”

Jokes

Joke Of The Day

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each day.

The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee”.

The husband said, ” You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”

Wife replies, “No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”

Husband replies, ” I can’t believe that, show me.”

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:

“HEBREWS”

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Selling Bibles

While checking the church storeroom, the pastor discovered several cases of new Bibles that never had been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise money for the church. Jack, Paul, and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.

The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie, a local farmer who always had kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louie stuttered badly. But because he didn’t want to discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the backseats of their cars stacked with Bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, “Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our Bibles last week?” Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, “Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 Bibles, and here’s the $200 I collected on behalf of the church.”

“Fine job, Jack!” the minister said, vigorously shaking his hand. “You are indeed a fine salesman and the church is indebted to you.”

Turning to Paul, he said, “And Paul, how many Bibles did you sell for the church last week?”

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, “I am a professional salesman. I sold 28 Bibles on behalf of the church, and here’s the $280 I collected.”

The minister responded, “That’s absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you.”

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, “And Louie, did you manage to sell any Bibles last week?” Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope. The minister opened it and counted the contents. “Louie, there’s $3,200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 Bibles for the church, door-to-door, in just one week?” Louie just nodded.

“That’s impossible!” both Jack and Paul said in unison. “We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many Bibles as we could.”

“Yes, this does seem unlikely,” the minister agreed. “I think you’d better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie.”

Louie shrugged. “I-I-I re-re-re-really do-do-do-don’t kn-kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure,” he stammered. “A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-s-said wa-wa-wa-was ‘W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-like t-t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-Bible f-f-f-for t-t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks o-o-o-or wo-wo-wo-would yo-yo-yo-you j-j-j-just l-l-l-like m-m-m-me t-t-t-to st-st-st-stand h-h-h-here and r-r-r-read it t-t-t-to y-y-y-you?'”

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