The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, “Then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?”
”Yes, your honor.”
“And why was that?”
“Because my wife wanted a dress.”
The judge checked his records, “But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!”
“Yes sir. She made me exchange it two times.”
This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, “What did you steal?”
She replied, “A can of peaches.”
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches, and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied, “6.”
The judge said, “Then I will give you 6 days in jail.”
Before the judge could conclude the trial, the woman’s husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge said, “What is it?”
The husband said, “She also stole a can of peas.”
Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when two brothers wearing Obama T-shirts arrived.
St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said, “Wait here. I will be right back.”
St. Peter goes over to God’s chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.
God says to Peter: “How many times do I have to tell you, you can’t be racist and judgmental here. This is heaven. Everyone is loved. Everyone is a brother. Go back and let them in!”
St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh.
He returns to God’s chambers and says “Well, they’re gone.”
“The guys wearing Obama T-Shirts?” asked God.
“No. The Pearly Gates.”
