Tag: St. Peter

Jokes

Joke Of The Day

A politician and the pope were both killed in an accident.

The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the politician his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also.

“Now, if you will come with me, I will show you your eternal dwellings,” said St. Peter.

They walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the politician and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his house would be like.

St. Peter and the Pope continued on to a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that this would be his dwelling. The Pope, shocked, said to St. Peter, “Just a minute! That other guy was a politician and he gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church, and this is all the reward I get?”

St. Peter looked at the Pope and said “True, you have done great things. But we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first politician ever to make it up here.”

Jokes

Joke Of The Day

When James Bond died, he went to heaven, and St Peter asked “What’s your name?”

“Bond, James Bond.”

“Everybody says that, I’m going you a test, and if you pass you can get it. Go into that room full of people and bring me Adam.”

After a few minutes, James Bond comes out of the room with Adam.

St Peter asks “How did you do it?”

Bond replies “It was easy, he was the only one without a belly button.”

St Peter asks Adam to go back inside and asks everybody to cover their stomachs. He dares James Bond to try again. And he did after five minutes.

St Peter asks “How did you do it this time?”

Bond replies “It was easy, he was the only one missing a rib.”

St Peter dares him again, and asks everybody to dress the same. And after 10 minutes, there were noises, people shouting and insults… finally James Bond came out with Adam once more.

St Peter say “I can’t believe it, you really are James Bond, but tell me, how did you do it?”

Bond says “It was easy, I started to tell Yo Mama jokes, and he was the only one that didn’t get offended.”

Jokes

Joke Of The Day

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”

The guy replies, “I’m Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of New York City.”

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and Enter the Kingdom.” The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next it’s the minister’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, “I am Joseph Snow, church pastor for the last 43 years.”

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.”

“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?”

“Up here, we work by results,” says Saint Peter. “While you preached, people slept. While he drove, people prayed!”

Jokes

Joke Of The Day

A petty thief, a teacher and a politician die in a plane crash and go up to Heaven’s gates together.

When they get there they are stopped by St. Peter, who says: “Sorry, it’s crowded up here, you need to answer a question correctly, or else you can’t get in.”

He looks at the teacher, and asks her: “What was the name of the famous ocean-liner that sank after hitting an iceberg?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” the teacher replies, “the Titanic.”

So St. Peter lets her into Heaven.

Next he turns to the petty thief.

“How many people died on that ship?” St. Peter asks.

“Oooh, that’s tough, but I saw the movie, and I think it was 1,500.”

St. Peter steps away and the thief walks into Heaven.

Finally, St. Peter turns to the politician and says: “Name them.”

Jokes

Joke Of The Day

A Politician died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?”

The Politician thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.”

Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.

Saint Peter said, “Well, that’s fine, but it’s not really quite enough to get you into Heaven.”

The Politician said, “Wait Wait! There’s more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter.”

Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, “Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?”

Gabriel gave the Politician a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, “Let’s give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell.”

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