One day, a grandpa and his grandson go golfing.
The young one is really good and the old one is just giving him tips.
They are on hole 8 and there is a tree in the way and the grandpa says, “When I was your age, I would hit the ball right over that tree.”
So, the grandson hits the ball and it bumps against the tree and lands not to far from where it started.
“Of course,” added the grandpa, “when I was your age, the tree was only 3 feet tall.”
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again.”
To which the gentleman said, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will five times!”
There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they’d shared and where he had carved “I love you,Sally.”
On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armoured car practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, but they don’t know what to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, and it’s fifty-thousand pounds.
The husband says, “We’ve got to give it back.” She says, “Finders keepers.” And she puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic.
The next day, two Detectives are going door-to-door in the neighbourhood looking for the money and show up at their home. They say, “Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?”
She says, “No.”
The husband says, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.”
She says, “Don’t believe him, he’s going senile.”
But the Policemen sit the man down and begin to question him. One says, “Tell us the story from the beginning.” The old man says, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday…”
The senior Detective looks at his partner and says, “Come on, we’re outta here…”
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.
The medicine man handed a potion to him and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned, “This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful and then say 1-2-3.” When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want.”
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?” “Your partner must say 1-2-3-4″ he responded, “but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, “1-2-3!” Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes and then she asked “What was the 1-2-3 for?”
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
