Nov 192015
Joke Of The Day: Our Oldest Member
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Nov 112015
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One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, “See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.” So they awakened the old man and asked him to tell a story.
“Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. “I don’t know how long I was asleep when I suddenly was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest darned lion I’d ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this: “RRROOAARRR!!! “I tell you, I just soiled myself!” The young men looked astonished and one of them said, “I don’t blame you, I would have soiled myself too if a lion jumped out at me.” The old man shook his head and said, “No, no, not back then. I soiled myself just now, when I said ‘RRROOAAARRR!!!’ Could one of you help me out please?” |
“Over 60” Questions
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Nov 042015
Q: My wife is going through menopause. What can I do?
A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement or shed; when you are done you will have a place to live.
Q: How can I increase the heart rate of my 60+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you’re pregnant.
Q: Where can men or women over the age of 60 find young, sexy members of the opposite sex who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore — under fiction.
Q: How can you avoid spotting a wrinkle every time you walk by a mirror?
A: The next time you’re in front of a mirror, make sure you’re not wearing your glasses.
Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short-term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not the problem, retrieving it is the problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually only in the afternoon.
Q: Where do 60+ year olds look for fashionable glasses?
A: Their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: “Hey! I remember these!”
Q: What is a 60+ year old’s most frequent thought when going from one room to another?
A: “What did I come here for?”
Q: What is the most effective form of birth control for people 60 and over?
A: Nudity.
Joke Of The Day: What Was That For?
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Oct 152015
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An old couple were sitting in their rockers on their front porch, reflecting on life. Suddenly, the woman gets up and smacks the old man so hard he tumbles off the porch onto the ground.
“What was that for?” he asked. “That’s for having such a tiny penis!” she answered. He gets up, dusts himself off and gets back in his chair. After a while, he gets up and smacks her off the porch and onto the ground. She yells “What was that for?” “That’s for knowing the difference!” |
Joke Of The Day: Senior Birth
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Oct 102015
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It was hailed as a medical breakthrough in fertility treatments when a 74-year-old woman was able to give birth.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, a crowd of neighbors and relatives came to visit. “May we see the new baby?” one asked. “Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.” Thirty minutes had passed, and another visitor asked, “May we see the new baby now?” “No, not yet,” said the mother. After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, “May we see the baby now?” “No, not yet,” replied the mother. Growing very impatient, they asked, “Well, when can we see the baby?” “When he cries!” she told them. “When he cries?” they demanded. “Why do we have to wait until he cries?” “Because,” she said. “I forgot where I put him, OK?!” |