Joke Of The Day

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Aug 052012
 

Three men were sitting in a bar lying about how under their thumb they had their wives.

The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything.

They looked at the third man and he said, “I have my wife so under my thumb that the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and knees.”

Both of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had managed that.

The man replied,”Well, I was lying under the bed and she crawled over and said, ‘Come out and fight like a man!'”

Joke Of The Day

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Aug 032012
 

A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then, let it read ‘Fred Brown died’.”

Confounded at the woman’s thrift, the editor stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her fingers and replies, “In that case, ‘Fred Brown died: 1983 Pick-up for sale’.”

Joke Of The Day

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Jul 182012
 

“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”

“What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!”

“I know all that.”

“Then, why did you invite a friend for supper?”

“Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married.”

Joke Of The Day

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Jul 092012
 

A rich man and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, “Who was that?”

“Oh,” replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.”

“Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough, I want a divorce!”

“I can understand that,” replies her husband, “but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris , no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany , no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.”

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

“Who’s that woman with Joseph?” asks the wife.

“That’s his mistress,” says her husband.

“Ours is prettier,” she replies.

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