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My wife made me watch a film last night that was a real tear-jerker. It had to do with a happy young man, full of promise who has his freedom brutally taken away and put under a strict regime where he has little contact with the outside world, let alone his friends.
I’ve seen it before, but I land up crying every time, much to my wife’s annoyance. Stupid wedding video! |
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Fred feared his wife Rhonda wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. “Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor. “Stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.” That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.” Then in a normal tone he asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” No response. So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Rhonda, what’s for dinner?” Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Again he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Again there is no response.. So he walks right up behind her. “Rhonda, what’s for dinner?” “For the FIFTH time Fred, CHICKEN!!” |
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A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?”
Dad, wanting to be an open, liberal, matter-of-fact father, replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.” “Oh I see,” replied the boy pensively. “Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.” He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, “Why are there 3 in this package?” The dad replies, “Those are for high school boys: one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.” “Cool!” says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, “Then who are these for?” “Those are for college men,” the dad answers. “TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.” “WOW!” exclaimed the boy, looking on the shelf more closely to see if there are any other options. He sees it: “Then who uses THESE?” he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March….” |
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husband.
The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?” Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember.
The women then were told to take out their cell phones and text to their husband: “I love you, sweetheart.”
The women then were instructed to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response to their message.
Below are 12 replies; some are hilarious. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love….who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What’s wrong?
4. What now? Did you crash the car again?
5. I don’t understand what you mean?
6. What the hell did you do now?
8. Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day.
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she?
