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A widower goes to a psychic to contact his late wife. “Honey,” he says. “Are you happy?”
“Yes, my husband,” she says. Relieved, the man asks, “Are you happier than when you were with me?” “Yes, my husband,” she replies, “I’m much, much happier.” The husband smiles. “Heaven must be an amazing place.” “I wouldn’t know,” she says. “I’m not in heaven.”
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The stockbroker’s secretary answered his phone one morning. “I’m sorry,” she said, “Mr. Bradford’s on another line.”
“This is Mr. Ingram’s office,” the caller said. “We’d like to know if he’s bullish or bearish right now.” “He’s talking to his wife,” the secretary replied. “Right now I’d say he’s sheepish.”
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After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, “Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep with a hot 23-year-old girl every night.
Now, I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 69-year-old woman. It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.” My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV. Aren’t older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy’s problems.
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