Joke Of The Day: The Tell-Tale Cuckoo Clock

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Nov 182015
 
Rubber Chicken The other night I was invited out for a night with the guys. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight… “I promise!”

Well, the hours passed quickly and the beer was going down way too easy. At 3 am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times.

Quickly, I realized she’d probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for having such a rapid, witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.

The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her 12 o’clock. She didn’t seem disturbed at all. Got away with that one, I thought!

Then she told me we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said, “Well, last night it cuckooed 3 times, then said, ‘Oh crap,’ cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Police Humor

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Nov 102015
 
Rubber Chicken On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: “Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?”

To which the farmer replied: “Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Dinner

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Oct 302015
 
Rubber Chicken Grandma was outside pulling weeds on a hot summer day when her grandpa walked up and asked her what they were having for dinner.

Irritated by the thought of him sitting in the air conditioned house while she labored away on the weeds, she snapped, “I can’t believe you’re asking me about supper right now! Pretend I’m out of town, go inside and make dinner yourself!”

So grandpa went back in the house and fixed himself a nice big juicy steak, potatoes, garlic bread, and a tall beer.

Grandma walked in just about the time he was finishing up and asked, “Where’s my dinner?”

“Huh? I thought you were out of town.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Her Portrait

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Oct 282015
 
Rubber Chicken Mrs. Peterson was the wife of a successful business owner, and he didn’t have much time for her. On her birthday, however, he gave her a special gift: to have her portrait painted by a famous artist.

When the artist arrived and set up for the sitting, she told him, “Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a large ruby brooch.”

“But madam,” he said. “You are not wearing any of those things.”

“I know,” said Mrs. Peterson. “As I’m sure my husband told you, my health is not good and I don’t have long to live. As I’m sure he didn’t tell you, my husband is having an affair with his secretary.”

“Uh…” the painter stammers, unsure what to say.

“So when I die I’m sure he will marry her,” she continues, “and I want the bitch to go nuts looking for all that jewelry.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: The Most Dangerous Food

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Oct 172015
 
Rubber Chicken A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water.

“But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I’m referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea.”

The man lowered his head and said, “Wedding cake.”]