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A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?”
“What, dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. “I think you’re bad luck.”
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Duck decoys, fishing rods, boots… Outdoor gear of all kinds was piled high in the garage. One day I found my wife staring at the mess.
“I hope I die first, so I don’t have to get rid of all this,” she sighed. “Look on the bright side,” I suggested. “If I go first, you can put an ad in the paper. When all the men come by to check out the stuff, you can pick out a replacement for me.” Still staring at the pile, she said, “Nah. He wouldn’t be my type.”
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Bob and Betty have been married for fifty years, and now they’re both in their seventies. All his life, Bob wanted a pair of crocodile leather shoes, and he decided it was finally time to treat himself.
When he came home wearing his new shoes, he asked his wife: “Do you notice anything different about me?” She shrugged. “What could possibly be different? You wear the same shirt and pants every day. I don’t see anything.” Bob didn’t give up. Without another word, he went to the bedroom, stripped down, and came back out wearing nothing but his new shoes. “Now, Betty,” he asked, “do you notice anything different?” She looked him over and said: “What difference does it make, Bob? It hangs down the same as every day.” Offended and frustrated, Bob shouted: “And do you know WHY it hangs down? Because it’s looking at my new shoes!” Betty shrugged again and said: “You should have bought a hat instead!”
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