Joke Of The Day: After The Checkup

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: After The Checkup
Sep 232012
 

Rubber ChickenA woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and said, “Your husband is suffering from severe, long-term stress and it’s affecting his cardiovascular system. He’s a good candidate for either a heart attack or a stroke. If you don’t do the following four things, your husband will surely die”.

“First, each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood.”

“Second, at lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work.”

“Third, for dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don’t burden him with household chores.”

“Fourth, and most important for invigorating him and relieving stress, have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim in bed.”

On the way home in the car, the husband turned to his wife and asked, “So, I saw the doctor talking to you and he sure seemed serious. What did he tell you?”

“You’re going to die,” she replied.

 

Joke Of The Day: Last Requests

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: Last Requests
Sep 212012
 

Rubber ChickenFather O’Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears.

“What’s bothering you so, dear?” inquired Farther O’Grady.

“Oh, father, I’ve got terrible news.” Replied Mary.

“Well what is it, Mary?”

“Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father.”

“Oh, Mary” said the father, “that’s terrible. Tell me Mary, did he have any last requests?”

“Well, yes he did father,” replied Mary.

“What did he ask, Mary?”

Mary replied, “He said, ‘Please, Mary, put down the gun…'”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: The Atheist Boyfriend

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: The Atheist Boyfriend
Sep 092012
 

Rubber ChickenA young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend had proposed but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn’t believe in Heaven or Hell.

“Marry him anyway, dear.” the Mother said. “Between the two of us, we’ll show him just how *wrong* he is.”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Her Mind’s Completely Gone

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: Her Mind’s Completely Gone
Aug 252012
 

A doctor broke the bad news to a man, that his wife would have to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital.

“I’m afraid her mind’s completely gone,” he said.

“Makes sense,” mumbled the man. “She’s been giving me a piece of it every day for the last 15 years.”