Tag: Jewish

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Conversion

Rubber ChickenA Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.

“I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi… where did I go wrong?”

“Funny you should come to me,” said the Rabbi. “Like you, I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he comes and tells me he has decided to become a Christian.”

“What did you do?” asked the lawyer.

“I turned to God for the answer,” replied the Rabbi.

“And what did he say?

“He said, “Funny you should come to me…”

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: The First Jewish Woman President

Rubber ChickenThe first Jewish woman President is elected.

She calls her Mother: “Mama, I’ve won the elections, you’ve got to come to the swearing-in ceremony.”

“I don’t know, what would I wear?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll send you a dressmaker.”

“But I only eat kosher food.”

“Mama, I am going to be the president, I can get you kosher food.”

“But how will I get there?”

“I’ll send a limo, just come mama.”

“Ok, Ok, if it makes you happy.

The great day comes and Mama is seated between the Supreme Court Justices and the Future Cabinet members, she nudges the gentleman on her right. “You see that girl, the one with her hand on the Bible?” … “Her brother’s a doctor!”

 

 

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: Uncharted Island

Rubber ChickenA Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East.

Over the public address system, the Captain announces: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island appears to be uncharted; I am unable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives.

A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, “Esther, did we pay our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?”

“No Morris!” she responded.

Morris smiles, then asks, “Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?”

“Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!” Now Morris laughs.

“One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple Building Fund check this month?”

“Oy Morris I forgot that one too!”

Now Morris is practically choking with laughter.

Esther asks Morris, “So what are you smiling and laughing about?

Morris responds, “They’ll find us.”

 

 

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