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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
“What are you doing?” She asked. “Hunting Flies” He responded. “Oh. Killing any?” She asked. “Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied. Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell them apart?” He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.”
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A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED! On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, “You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you … you have no legs!” The old man smiled, “Therefore I cannot run around on you!” She snorted. “You don’t have any hands either!” Again the old man smiled, “Nor can I beat you!” She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. “Are you still good in bed?” With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
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In a science course discussion of the structure of the atom, one instructor noticed a coed who apparently hadn’t read any of the assignment, as the expression on her face indicated she was having difficulty understanding. His suspicions were confirmed when he asked her what a “neutrino” was.
She thought for a few seconds with a guilty, wistful look on her face, then suggested hopefully, “An Italian neutron?”
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After drafting a will for an elderly client, the lawyer announced a fee of $100.
The client gave the lawyer a $100 bill. After the client left, the lawyer saw that the client had in fact paid $200, as two of the client’s $100 bills had stuck together. Looking at the $100 overpayment, an ethical question arose in the lawyer’s mind: “Do I tell my partner?”
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