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Two old ladies are waiting for a bus. Both light up cigarettes and start to smoke. It starts to rain so one lady reaches into her bag, pulls out a plastic thingy, opens it and stretches it over her cigarette to protect it from the rain. The other lady says wow, that’s great. What is it called? She answers it’s a condom, and they’re sold on drug stores.
Next day, that lady goes to a drug store to buy them. Pharmacist asked what size she wants. Something to fit over a Camel, she replies.
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The year was around 1890. A pirate ship is traversing the Atlantic Ocean to the next bounty.
From the crow’s nest, the Lookout yells: “Captain! One enemy war ship ion the horizon!” The Captain barks out orders: – Arm the battle stations! – and, First Officer, go fetch my red shirt The First Officer brings the Captain his red shirt and asks: “Is this your lucky shirt?” The Captain replies: “No, but if I were to be wounded in battle, I need our defenders to stay focused and not worry about me bleeding.” They are victorious. A few days later…… From the crow’s nest, the Lookout yells: “Captain! Five enemy war ships on the horizon!” The Captain barks out orders: – Arm the battle stations! – and, First Officer, go fetch my red shirt The First Officer brings the Captain his red shirt. A similar situation, they are victorious. A week later….. From the crow’s nest, the Lookout yells: “Captain! Two Hundred enemy war ships on the horizon!” The Captain barks out orders: – Arm the battle stations! – and, First Officer, go fetch my brown pants!
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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?” The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?” The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”
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