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As he was driving home from work, a man in a rural community was stopped by a local police officer. The motorist, informed that he had failed to come to a full stop at a stop sign, was handed a ticket.
“Don’t I get a warning?” he protested. The officer replied, “Sure. Here’s your warning: If you don’t come to a complete stop next time, I’ll give you another ticket.”
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Guy goes into the doctor, doctor asked what’s wrong so he drops his trousers to reveal his manhood is bright orange.
“Hmm” says the doctor, “that’s something I’ve never seen before. Have you been exposed to any unusual substances recently?”. “No”, says the man, “I’m just an office worker, nothing strange”. “What about any recent medical conditions or illnesses?” “Not at all, been fit and healthy?” “Okay” muses the doctor, “what about stress? How’s your home life, anything going?” “Not that I can think of”, says the man. “Most nights, I’m pretty tired from work. I live alone, so I usually just open a bag of Cheetos and watch some porn”.
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At my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, my dad was reminiscing about their courtship and marriage. “We didn’t have much money,” he told us, “And I had to decide whether to buy a new tire for the car or a marriage license.”
After a pause, he continued, “I think I made a good investment, because the tire wouldn’t have lasted 50 years.”
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