A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can’t find the rake. He yells up to his wife, “Where is the rake?”
She can’t hear him and shouts back, “What?” The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee, and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, “What?” The man repeats his gestures, mouthing, “EYE KNEE — THE RAKE.”
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her, “What in the heck was that?”
A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race appear?”
The mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made …”
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.”
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?”
The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his!”
Once upon a time, an evil king captured a virgin princess and held her captive in his high tower. Though she was very beautiful, he forced her to wear a disgusting and smelly burlap dress.
“You’ll never get away with this,” she cried. “Some brave knight will rescue me!”
“Not in that thing,” the evil king replied.
She waited day and night, but it was just as the king predicted. Every knight that saw her in the window of the high tower was scared away by her dress, which, as I’ve mentioned, was very disgusting.
After many months, the princess broke down crying and the evil king taunted her, “You see? I told you, no knight would rescue a damsel in this dress!”