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An Indian woman goes to the chief and asks him, “Chief Clear Sky, how do you think out names for every one of us in the tribe?”.
The Chief replies, “When Soaring Eagle was born, the first thing I did was take him outside, and saw an eagle soaring through the air. When Big Bonfire was born it was a cold day, but the whole tribe was sitting around a big bonfire keeping warm. But why do you ask this, Two Dogs Mating?”
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So, my wife managed to crash the car again today. When the police showed up, she was all fired up, insisting that the guy she hit was being reckless.
“He was on his phone! Can you believe it?!” she exclaimed. “To make matters worse, he was sitting there, casually sipping on a can of beer!” Trying his best to hold back a smile, the officer took a deep breath, looked her dead in the eye, and said, “Ma’am… he can do whatever he wants… in his own living room.”
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A Scotsman, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost one hundred dollars an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee.
“Hoot mon,” he said, “in Scotland it wouldna ha been more than $20.” “That might be true,” said the travel agent, “but you have to take into account that the Sea of Galilee is water on which our Lord Himself walked.” “Well, at $100 an hour for a boat,” said the Scotsman, “It’s no wonder He walked.”
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One day in the army I was assigned KP duty. I reported to the Mess Hall and was told by the sergeant in charge that he wanted me to make 100 gallons of soup for tonight’s dinner. I told him I didn’t know how to make soup. He handed me a book and told me to follow the directions carefully.
A couple of hours later, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. The sergeant came up and tasted the soup. He took a second spoonful and stood there staring at me. I thought I had really messed up the soup and was waiting for a reprimand. Instead, he said, “This tastes good… are you sure you followed the recipe?”
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