A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they’d have to drastically alter their life-style.
“If you’ll just learn to cook,” he said, “we can fire the chef.”
“Okay,” she said. “And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener.”
The spy spoke perfect Russian, but when he landed, he got caught. At his interrogation, he asked a Russian agent, “How did you figure out I was a spy? I prepared all my life for this mission.”
The agent replied, “Well, for starters, you’re black.”
Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
“Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death … we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?”
“Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”