I have no voice, and yet I speak to you; I tell of all things in the world that people do. I have leaves, but I am not a tree. I have pages, but I am not a bride or royalty. I have a spine and hinges, but I am not a man or a door. I have told you all; I cannot tell you more.
A woman decides she’s finally going to get into shape and start jogging. She jogs for several miles and is feeling really great about herself. But then a man drives by, points out the window, and shouts, “Pig!”
In this country, the law is a spiderweb. It catches the small flies but lets the big hornets tear right through. Corrupt politicians don’t break the law; they just rewrite the definitions until their crimes are called ‘procedure.’
– We have a 5-year-old daughter who loves to talk. If I answer the phone and discover a telemarketer on the other end, I just quietly hand the phone to our daughter … and let the fun begin!
– When they ask for the man of the house, I ask them to hold; then I put my 2-year-old son on the phone.
– Interrupt the telemarketer’s sales pitch and ask them if they would like to buy something from you (could be anything that you’re selling). That will usually get them to end the call.
– Ask the telemarketer to marry you. Seriously, this will probably shock them, and they won’t know what to say.
– Say: “Hello.” (Wait on them to start talking.) “I’m sorry we can’t come to the phone right now. Please leave a message. Beep.”
– “You know, I was just thinking about (doing/buying) just that very same thing. So, I said to myself, ‘Self, why don’t you just (do, buy) it and get over it.’ To my amazement, self replied with a loud, ‘GO FOR IT!'”