1) Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
2) To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
3) My road to success is always under construction.
4) Alcohol does not solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
5) It’s funny but In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don’t need it.
6) All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening or married to someone else.
7) Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
8) Everyone has a scheme of getting rich? Which never works until you cheat.
9) If at first you don’t succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
10) He who has the gold, makes the golden rules and those who don’t have gold follow them.
11) Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
12) When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
13) If you have paper, you don’t have a pen! If you have a pen, you don’t have paper! if you have both, no one calls.
14) You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
15) The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
16) Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always flow towards the non-smoker.
Joke Of The Day
There was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was `Onestone` he hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, “If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!”
The word got around and nobody called him that anymore. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said “Good morning, Onestone.”
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.
He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Birds cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, “Good to see you, Onestone.
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn`t die!
The moral is… you can`t kill two birds with one stone!