August 2010 - Page 5 of 34 - Common Sense Evaluation

Joke Of The Day

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Aug 272010

A Politician died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?”

The Politician thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.”

Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.

Saint Peter said, “Well, that’s fine, but it’s not really quite enough to get you into Heaven.”

The Politician said, “Wait Wait! There’s more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter.”

Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, “Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?”

Gabriel gave the Politician a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, “Let’s give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell.”

Every Proverb Has An Equal And An Opposite Proverb

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Aug 272010

NEWTON’S THIRD LAW STATES: “Every Action has an equal and an opposite reaction… ”

Similarly, every proverb has an equal and an opposite proverb! There always exist two sides of the same coin!

All good things come to those who wait.
BUT
Time and tide wait for none.

The pen is mightier than the sword.
BUT
Actions speak louder than words.

Wise men think alike.
BUT
Fools seldom differ.

The best things in life are free.
BUT
There’s no such thing as a free lunch.

Slow and steady wins the race.
BUT
Time waits for none.

Do it well, or not at all.
BUT
Half a loaf is better than none.

Birds of a feather flock together.
BUT
Opposites attract.

Doubt is the beginning of wisdom.
BUT
Faith will move mountains.

Great starts make great finishes.
BUT
It isn’t over till it’s over.

Practice makes perfect.
BUT
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

You’re never too old to learn.
BUT
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
BUT
One man’s meat is another man’s poison.

Hold fast to the words of your ancestors.
BUT
Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them.

The President and Mrs. Obama are in the front row just above the dug out at a Yankees game. The row behind them is taken up with Secret Service agents. One of them leans over and whispers something in the President’s ear.

Barack Obama pauses, then grabs Michelle by the scruff of the neck and heaves her over the railing. She falls 10 feet to the top of the dug out, kicking and screaming obscenities all the way down, and after she lands, the President bows to the crowd, and shakes hands and “high five’s” everyone near him.

The same Secret Service agent again leans over and whispers, “No Mr. President, I said, they want you to throw out the first PITCH.”